the LSU notebook

I could recap the game for you, but thats not what you're here for, and it would depress me. You're here for a few laughs and some inside info on why college football is the greatest thing on earth(that constantly rips your heart out, sets it on fire, rubs salt on it, and places it back in your chest). So this week we're starting something new, "the Weekend Notebook". I've kept a notebook* full of quality jokes and minutia that you're just dying to know about but don't really need to know, but by the end of this post you will know, and once that happens, there is no taking it back. I'm in your head whether you like it or not. So, without further ado...


-LSU fans are baby kittens!! Thats right folks, lovable, cute baby kittens. The nicest bunch of fans I've been around since... well since last week with the Auburn fans (sans CJ). The rumors of Baton Rouge horrors were greatly exaggerated. I had such a good time this weekend, until 11:30 sat. of course, that I think this should be a bi-annual event. So join me in 2009, for LSU week, I guarantee a good time.


-T-shirts of the Weekend- the following shirts were seen around LSU, in order, lamest to funniest
1."T-bag Tebow" this one was a nice attempt to make Tebow seem gay through alliteration. However, due to improper grammar, the point was lost when determining who was doing the "t-bagging." Was it the person wearing the shirt? The LSU defense? Les Miles? If it was Tebow, then the shirt should have read, "Tebow T-bags" giving the verb possessive to Tebow instead of the unidentified article. These shirts were widely popular despite this obvious flaw.

2."Miles to Michigan" Nothing like home fans eagerly awaiting the departure of the coach of the #1 ranked, undefeated Tigers.

3."Nick Saban is a Douche" blunt and to the point. I like. but this brings up the issue of how acceptable is the word "Douche"? Would it get bleeped on TV? Would you say it with your Mom in the room? Is it popular enough that I no longer need to look up how to spell it?

4."Taze the Gators, Bro" original, timely, nailed the punchline "Bro", just a great shirt.


-The announcement of the USC score. during the third quarter, the PA announcer told the crowd that USC had lost to Stanford, this brought about a big cheer from the LSU fans, who now knew they would stand alone at #1, as long as they won. This was interesting for a few reasons:

1. This was one of the loudest, if not the Loudest cheer of the night. While it did follow an LSU score, the Tigers were still down 3 points. Shouldn't the crowd act just a little nervous?

2. Despite the loudest cheering of the night, Tebow and the Gators went on a 5 play, 75 yard drive to shut up the Tiger fans. By far the easiest drive of the night. Which was probably a result of:

3:As crazy as the fans celebrated, the Tiger bench celebrated even more. The players were jumping around and cheering and waving towels. This seems like a total overreaction for a team in the middle of a dog fight (hey, do we have to stop using this analogy? just cause Vick did it? or is the fact that it's already a war term for a plane fight going to save it from the PC universe?) Shouldn't Miles and the rest of the coaches remind the Tigers that the rankings don't matter and winning this game, that they were currently losing, is way more important? This would be a much bigger story line if the Gators hadn't collapsed, but we did.

-What were the LSU students chanting? I want answers people. Apparently it involved Tebow and swear words. I'm just surprised LSU fans can chant anything other than "Tiger Bait"


-"Tiger Bait" - The LSU fans officially own this phrase. I've never been yelled at the same way so many times in my life. Its worse than UGA fans and "Gators wear Jean Shorts". I move to stop using "Gator Bait" or any other bait type cheer altogether. They've killed it. It hit rock bottom, when I was called "Tiger Bait" by a four year old as he slapped my shin with gold and purple beads. By the end of the day, it had lost all meaning, It just became a part of their vocabulary, and stood for anything and everything, I think they were having entire conversations with just the words "tiger bait", it was like a Cajun Jibberish that meant more than we knew. Our only response:


"Corndogs" - yes the legend of the Corndog is deeply rooted in LSU lore. Actually its not, Its all spelled out here. But man do they hate hearing about corndogs. I for one, love corndogs and consider an association with any fried food a compliment. But not the Tigers. They hate it, those corndog smellin Tigers, they really hate it. For the record, leaving the stadium I was sure I smelled the thick stench of corndogs. But it turned out to be just a mix of day-old steamed seafood and Urine.


-The worst fan I met all weekend had the seat directly behind me. He was a 20 year-old D-bag from the heart of Baton Rouge. His biggest flaw? a complete lack of yelling etiquette. You know when you yell at a game you make a nice "Oooooo" sound. Loud, yet soothing. Well, not this guy, the sound he made was more like that noise you make at the doctor when he sticks a tongue depressor down your throat, only a thousand times louder. And he would do it over and over. "Weeeghlglhgghg" "Wgeegehheeehellleh" "Weeeelgglgleehehlelhelhghghlehelpaodihfel" As if he was choking on a 10 point third quarter deficit or something.


-I blame Lou Holtz - His pep talks are now 1-5 on the season


*Notebook may not actually exist