KENTUCKY

(posted here for posterity)

Rupp Arena: The house that Racism built

Rupp Arena: The Incest Survivors Clubhouse


Kentucky state song is Crystal Method's 'Trip like I do'

Kentucky state Bird is a featherless Chicken grown in a lab

Kentucky state Tree is a burning cross

Kentucky state flower is an empty shotgun shell filled with oxy pills


Not sure what bluegrass is, but I'm pretty sure it's slang for Crystal meth

Due to popular demand, Rupp Arena concessions now sells Iodine, Ephedrine, and Drain-O

What did one Kentucky dentist say to the other Kentucky dentist?.... Haha there are no dentists in Kentucky

Kentucky. We make the Jersey Shore look sophisticated

Visit Lexington! What happens in the meth lab, stays in the meth lab


Kentucky Econmic Breakdown:

85% Meth and Oxy sales

8%  TV crews filming MTV's 'Teen Mom'

4%  Organ Donation (would be higher if organs weren't polluted with drugs)

3%  Guns and Ammo


Kentucky: Even Mississippi makes fun of us

Things Kentucky doesn't have:
Paved Roads
Modern Healthcare
Constant Electricity
Laws against Incest
Distinction between Police and Drug Dealers
Babysitters that aren't Canine
Hamburgers not made of Horse Meat


Colonel Sanders is a pedophile

Bowl Preview - Part 2

Jorts Corps -

Welcome back to PART TWO of the least useful information you'll gain this year:

BLUE's 2011 BOWL PREVIEW

A quick update on how my picks are doing so far: Terrible. But you say, Oh! look Blue, you picked 11 of 18 correct. And Oh look! your Bowl Mania picks are in the top 12%. And yes, you would be correct, that's true. But by those metrics, we should be saluting CJ who has picked 15/18 correct, including the last 14 in a row. A great feat by your simple metrics. But then you realize CJ has simply read the Vegas odds for every game and picked the favorite in each, a feat easily accomplished by a computer or partially trained monkey. Suddenly your simple metrics seem quaint.

I say 'Terrible' because everything I love has lost: Western Michigan, Charlie Strong, Our Military. And everything I hate has won: The state of Ohio (TWICE!), Missouri, people from New Jersey, The Moles, Mormons.

On to the Picks

Meineke Car Care of Texas Bowl, Texas A&M vs. Northwestern -

THE PICK: NORTHWESTERN

-- Just to clarify: I do not care about bowl games. This game is currently on TV, right now as I type, and I would rather type jokes and watch Kentucky basketball than watch this game. Also, get bent TamU. I hope you and your fake army get kicked in the nuts.

Hyundai Sun Bowl, Georgia Tech vs. Utah -- THE PICK: GaTech -- (insert joke)

AutoZone Liberty Bowl, Cincinnati vs. Vanderbilt -- THE PICK: VANDY

-- There is no way the state of Ohio gets to 3-0. Also, Vandy is good, up is down, cats living in harmony with dogs, AS PROPHESIED IN REVELATION THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE END TIMES

Kraft Fight Hunger, Illinois vs. UCLA -- THE PICK: ILLINOIS

-- FSU fans can tell you, No coach is better post-firing than Ronald Q. Zook.

Chick-fil-A Bowl, Virginia vs. (25) Auburn -- THE PICK: VIRGINIA

-- A coaching staff on the rise versus one on the ropes. Auburn was lost both coordinators in recent weeks. One of which, took a massive pay cut to coach elsewhere. I'm not saying that's a bad sign Auburn, but THATS A BAD SIGN AUBURN

TicketCity Bowl, (19) Houston vs. (22) Penn State -- THE PICK: HOUSTON

-- Will Penn State hurry up and pick a new coach so I can mock him for choosing to coach at that train wreck of a situation.

Outback Bowl, (17) Michigan State vs. (16) Georgia -- THE PICK: MICHIGAN ST

-- List of the best things about Athens, GA: 3)Free Diploma Factory 2) R.E.M. 1) Louis Grizzard (not receiving votes: Football Team)

Capital One Bowl, (20) Nebraska vs. (9) South Carolina -- THE PICK: SOUTH CAROLINA

-- Time for the ole Ball Coach to exact a little revenge from the last time he played Nebraska. /Has memory... cries.

Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl, Ohio State vs. Florida-- THE PICK: FLORIDA

-- No jokes here. There is nothing funny about what happened at Florida this year. Just tears. Lots of tears.

Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio, (10) Wisconsin vs. (5) Oregon =-- THE PICK: OREGON

- It would be so cool if this game counted for something, you know like some kind of end of the year system for crowning a champion of college football, with multiple great games leading up to a final game.... no, that would be weird. who would want that?

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, (4) Stanford vs. (3) Oklahoma State -- THE PICK: OKIE STATE

-- If I could pick one person in the whole world to be my new best friend, it would be T Boone Pickens. Crazy about college football? check. Crazy amount of money? check. a crazy awesome nickname? check. T BOONE!!! BE MY FRIEND!

Discover Orange Bowl, (23) West Virginia vs. (15) Clemson -- THE PICK: WEST F. VIRGINIA

-- Just what Miami needs - Rednecks from West Virginy. NONONO NOT DIS COUCH SENOR! YOU NO BURN MIS COUCH! ITS A LOUIS VITTON!! NOOOOOOOO

AT&T Cotton Bowl, (8) Kansas State vs. (6) Arkansas -- THE PICK: ARKANSAS

-- Easiest pick left on the board. Dont be stupid, stupid.

BBVA Compass Bowl, SMU vs. Pittsburgh -- THE PICK: PITT

-- Lets discuss the Big East: Seems like quite a dropoff in bowl quality from Orange to Compass/Belk/Insight/Pinstripe. Good call by all the rats who left the sinking ship: Miami, VaTech, BC, Pitt, WVU, Syracuse, TCU. Can we just change the name back to Conference USA?

GoDaddy.com Bowl, Arkansas State vs. Northern Illinois -- THE PICK: A STATE

-- Speaking of rats off a ship, Gus Malzahn! the new head coach at Arkansas state? C'mon Auburn, get your superstar coordinator a decent job.

Allstate BCS National Championship Game, (1) LSU vs. (2) Alabama -- THE PICK: LSU

-- Hello God, if you care at all about who wins football games (a premise I questioned, until Tebow convinced me otherwise) Please don't let Nick Saban win this game. He's not cool. and Its not like you'll have to see him in the afterlife anyway. We'd all be much happier with LSU winning. Ok, that's all. How was your birthday, good?... How old are you now? ...2012 years old?! noooo, you don't look a day over 2000. Oh, and thanks for the Ipad. How'd you know?... Oh, right, omnipotence.


Blue

Bowl Preview

Its Bowl Season - the worst of all seasons (even worse than winter, and season 2 of Friday Night LIghts)

Let do a run down of all my picks and the reason I picked them. All 34 meaningless games, as well as that other one. And Yes, I am aware that anyone can still read this and fix their picks accordingly.

Gildan New Mexico Bowl, PICK TEMPLE -- I always knew that Addazio guy could coach, just need the right opportunity in the right place. AND THAT PLACE IS GODFORSAKEN TEMPLE UNIVERSITY AND NOT AS UF"S OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, PICK UTAH STATE -- Do you know who Wild Bill is? No? Now you do. THIS MAN WILL DIE OF HEART DISEASE FOR YOU AGGIES

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, PICK RAGIN CAJUNS -- Have you ever met anyone from Louisiana? Oh you have? Then you will understand immediately why these hippies from SDSU have no chance here.

Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl, Florida International vs. Marshall -- PICK MARSHALL -- The entire state of Florida has been banned from playing competent football this year (its a Department of Homeland Security thing, very complicated). You probably weren't aware, but It makes so much sense now that you do.

S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, TCU vs. Louisiana Tech -- If we have learned anything from Tebow this year, its that the best football is played by Christians. WHY DO YOU THINK IRAN SUCKS SO BAD AT TACKLE FOOTBALL?

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, Arizona State vs. (7) Boise State -- PICK BOISE -- If you don't get this one, you are re-goddamn-tarded.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl, Nevada vs. (21) Southern Miss-- PICK S.MISS -- Hawaii is about to be overrun by toothless rednecks too dumb to get into Mississippi State. THATS PRETTY DUMB HAWAII

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl, Missouri vs. North Carolina --PICK UNC -- In anticipation of this weeks announcement that UF will be playing a road game in Columbia Missouri next year, I am throwing the first stone. SUCK IT MISSOURI YOU INBRED MIDWESTERN DOUCHE BAGS, YOU CAN EAT A BAG OF DICKZ WITH THOSE ASININE Z's IN YOUR NICKNAME, NO ONE NEEDS A THIRD TIGER MASCOT IN THIS LEAGUE, I HOPE YOU LOSE TO CHARLIE WEIS.

Little Caesars Bowl, Western Michigan vs. Purdue -- PICK WESTERN -- Most of you don't know Dennis. But Dennis is a cold mother-- and with his hot tempered Coach in tow, Western is bringing the Fire and Ice to you Purdue.

Belk Bowl, --Louisville vs. NC State -- PICK LOUISVILLE -- How cool is it that UF has this backup coach in waiting at Louisville? You know, just in case this Muschamp thing goes south.... just in case.

Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman, Toledo vs. Air Force -- PICK TOLEDO -- The glass capitol of the world, these ZIPS WILL CUT YOU. Also, we all know our military hasn't been good at football since we started letting the gays in.

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl, California vs. (24) Texas-- PICK TEXAS -- TEXAS FOREVER RIGGINS

Champs Sports Bowl, Florida State vs. Notre Dame -- PICK ND -- Man I hope this stadium collapses.

Valero Alamo Bowl, Washington vs. (12) Baylor -- PICK BAYLOR -- Don't miss this game. Seriously, you should watch it. The over/under is 78. Thats not an exaggeration. Just watch this game, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, BYU vs. Tulsa -- PICK TULSA -- Did you know that the univeristy of Tulsa is sponsored by Bugles? yeah, Bugles, the snack chips that Kyle always ate. Here proof.

New Era Pinstripe Bowl, Rutgers vs. Iowa State -- PICK IOWA STATE -- Did you know 10 million people live w/in a 30 min. drive of Rutgers home football games? People around here talk about how great the new york sports scene is. What a load, New York sports are like the Nickleback of sports scenes. Way too many fans for something as shity as this product.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl, Mississippi State vs. Wake Forest -- PICK MISSISSIPPI STATE -- Do you know what Wake Forest is good for?... Me neither.

Insight Bowl, Iowa vs. (14) Oklahoma -- PICK OKLAHOMA -- Remember a few weeks ago when we thought Oklahoma may sneak into the title game? Get you head outa your ass BOB! THEY PAY YOU LIKE 7 MILLION DOLLARS TO NOT BLOW GAMES TO BAYLOR.



to be continued...

Episode 1

Outback Bowl

Well it happened.

Really?


In a season when you couldn't believe your eyes most Saturdays, why would New Years be any different? Florida, a team that nearly went to the BCS and finished with dominating victories, lost to the team that lost to Appalachian State. Who saw that coming? On that note, with the exception of Florida, there hasn't been a single shocking outcome during the bowls, which is .... shocking.

Game Notes:
-Kudos to Michigan for sending Lloyd Carr out on a high note, this would be a nationwide "feel good" story if anyone actually cared about Lloyd Carr
-Michigan's Offense puts up 500 yards and 41 points. Where was that all season? Our D played bad, but anyone who can do that should score at least 4 points on OSU. Maybe it was the fact that the whole team was finally healthy. But that doesn't reason as to why Michigan's play-calling was competent, something it hasn't been in the past oh about 12 years.
-4 turnovers. You'll hear how UF was plus four in turnovers and couldn't capitalize. This reasoning is flawed and stupid. I would say turnovers were even, one to one. three of Michigan's turnovers were inside the UF 5 yard line, which resulted in a touchback and two attempts at 99 yard drives, these are the equivalent of punts and very good punts at that. The only real turnovers were the int by Pouncy and the botched kickoff, which for some reason doesn't get counted in the official TO column. So just forget the turnover thing, It was even.
-FGs -Actually the game would have been tied at the end if not for FGs. We missed two makable ones and they made their two. Thats the difference. Stupid Kickers
-The last two drives. Yep, the mighty Gator offense that has carried this team all year was 0-8 on its last two drives. Eight plays four yards obviously no scores or first downs. Embarrassing. I give UM's D credit for the pressure they got on Tebow. But this has happened before, and I'm worried it'll happen again. Our Offense, when under pressure to score has crapped games away that should easily have been wins. Remember the end of the Auburn game: Tie score, 5 mins left we got backwards 6 yards and punt. The end of the LSU games: last two possessions, 10 plays 40 yards no scores and poor clock managment. These aren't turnovers. These are 5 drives with time on the clock and a game on the line and we just can't move the ball. WTF?!?!? I hate to point fingers but they're squarely pointed at Meyer, Mullen, and dare I say, Tebow. Nah, It has to be Mullen's fault right?


Thank goodness for FAU. Otherwise the whole state of Florida is winless in bowl games. Whens the last time that happened?


I'm too unhappy to write any jokes about Illinois or Hawaii.

FSU CHEATS

MERRY CHRISTMAS GATOR FANS

FSU scandal

Here's the St.Pete Times editorial begging Bowden to retire

Here's more from the Times about why FSU should withdraw from the Bowl

Here we pile on the villain from this years matchup. Is Geno Hayes really dumb enough to pull the 50 questions in five minutes with 100% accuracy?



While this mostly rehashes things already covered, Its enjoyable simply for the comparison of Jimbo Fisher to Fidel Castro.

The following videos are for a documentary about FSU football. Apparently they've been following the team around for the last two years (great timing). It appears to be very well made and I can see FSU fans getting excited about it, but just when I think its getting serious and making the team look impressive, they show a clip of Xavier Lee giving high fives or Bowden driving his golf cart to the top of the stadium so he can watch practice from 100 yards away, and I just bust out in giggles.

I'm Back

"Hey, kids, it's me!
I betcha thought that I was dead!
But when I fell over I just broke my leg
And got a hemorrhage in my head!"




Thats right kids, like the clown from Billy Madison, I'm back -


Football season is over -
while we all shed tears of great sadness about the end of the college football season, lets use this time to expand our horizons. Use our free time for good. We can now spend more time with family, maybe learn a new language, or volunteer at the local soup kitchen.... Ah who am I kidding, It just Hurts so bad-

"Leave me alone. I said get away from me you BUM. here, take these 'Italian made easy' tapes and my firstborn- teach him to beg so he won't go hungry. I just need to be alone... here in the corner... ahhh fetal position...



Wait there's still Bowl Games!
ah yes, the tradition above all other traditions. The glorious new years time when teams across the country go to random neutral locations and play for meaningless titles. Yeah, I know we were 'Outback bowl champs 2005' but I'm just not that proud of it. So get excited people- these are the reason we can't watch a college football playoff. I'm sure you understand why its way better this way.

AHHHHHHH, YOU MENTAL MIDGITS, I WANT MY PLAYOFF, AHHHHHHHHHHHH
-back to the fetal postions..... oh sweet sweet fetal position.



Heres your dose of weekly rediculi

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
Rich Rodriguez to Michigan Michigan hires the best guy available. Congrats to them. He also runs a great offense which means a big ten game might be watchable next year -
Petrino to Arkansas -
Quits the atlanta job before the end of year one. This guys has the staying power of... well.. of me. I've always said one year at a job is way too long.
Norm Chow to coach UCLA?
would make a great rivalry between them and USC. What? these two are already rivals? coulda fooled me you west coast pantywaists
Nick Saban's Agent contacted W.Virginia
are you serious?!?! please leave bama for a lesser job after one year, please please please - Well bama' I guess you don't always get what you pay for (4 million for a guy job shoppin on you)
Cutcliff to coach Duke
Tennesses's O-coordiator takes off for the promise land of Duke. What will Tennessee do now that theres no one to tell Eric Ainge how to throw INTs to wide open LSU defenders


Les Miles tribute:


LSU fans never cease to amaze


Arknasas news media is as crazy as LSU fans:


ATTENTION -Notre Dame still sucks


Gator News:

Meyer's recruiting hyjinks involve aprons and gymnastic scholarships

More Tebow:
yeah its already up in the stadium













Gator players arrested for throwing Jimmy Johns
I wish this wasn't true, but it is and its hilarious


More Tebow: