Gator Fans-
The afternoon showers are subsiding, The hurricanes are cranking up, the Temps are dropping into the the double digits, and the gravitational pull of a town in north central Florida is calling. Thats right its Football season in Florida, and It starts this weekend. This will be the first email of many (maybe monthly, or weekly, or first out of two... I haven't decided). Just wanted to share my excitement that is bordering on insanity once again. Below is info on Tailgating, Headlines, my top ten, and other useless minutia. Feel free to pass this along to Gator fans everywhere or reply, Its not like I've got anything better to do.
Before I start I want to congratulate all Gator fans on what has been the greatest 2 years in fandom history. We as Gator fans are truly blessed. Lately it has been such an embarrassment of riches that I've had a hard time talking to fans of other teams. It's as if I can feel their jealousy burning as they stare at that logo on my hat. So I've tried to remain humble, give them the "awwshucks its been pretty good I guess" Even ignore the snide remarks of nole fans, as they grasp at straws. But no Longer! With the onset of football season, I shall shed my humble persona, and embrace the inner Jackass that knows - I'm better than you because I'm a Gator. So as a warning to all other fans who stumble across this email, stop now. Your already fragile ego will be crushed with ferocity to the point that college football will no longer seem appealing to you. This is the Rise of the Gator Nation.
For Gator fans still unsure how to deal with the masses please read this article and take your place atop the throne of collegiate athletics.
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Tailgate
So Saturday is upon us. Time to pack up the tent, chairs, grill, tv, generator, food, football, coolers, redneck golf, bean bag toss, coozies, and good times and head to Gainesville. After much debate, I'd like to start somewhat of a traditional tailgating system/location. Norman Hall is our destination of choice, with its shady oaks, nearby playing field, and available restrooms. Ill be arriving at around 6 AM come join me early this week, for the Noon kickoff (uhhgg). hopefully well be back to the tailgate sometime during the fourth quarter so we can catch the end of the.... oh thats right, we're the only shmucks playing at noon on Saturday. Dont forget to bring the Sunblock and the IV drip.
What to Watch on Satuday
LSU vs. Miss St. - Thursday Night
12:30 UF vs. W. Kentucky
3:30 Wisconsin vs. Wash. St.
6:45 OK St. vs UGA Hope you've got three TVs ready for this SEC beatdown
7:45 Kansas St. vs. Auburn
8:00 Tennessee vs. Cal Before you hear anymore from the Pac-10 sucks fued. please remember I have Tenn. ranked as
the sixth best SEC school, and Cal as the #2 in the P-10. Yeah thats a disclaimer because I
dont trust Fulmer on the road
Gator Headlines
Opening week is always a busy time so here's the latest outa Gainesville:
Markihe Anderson out with sprained knee : Doh' - that leaves with a collective 0 in game experience conerbacks. But on the bright side my favorite Hatian refugee will get the start. Say hello to the goat chasing, fumble recovering, apparently good swimming badass, Wondy Pierre-Louis
the Moody Blue(s) and Orange:
Emmanual Moody Transfers and I for one welcome him to the bandwagon. Moody rushed for about 600 yards at USC last year in limited action, so you know he can play. Emmanuel, you're obviouly an experienced bandwagoner due to your time at USC, therefore I nominate you to lead the army of bandwagon Gator fans this year. please instruct this army to save at least one ticket for yours truly(what do you mean $80 for W. Kentucky?!?!?)
Kanes Furniture: Free Giveaway
Time to buy that Dinette you've been eyein' - because apparently Kane's Furniture is giving away free furniture this week "if" (and this is more like a "when", than an "if") the Gators win the Championship. So borrow that pickup (just not mine) and head to Kanes for your free furniture. -(I have no proof of this other than half a commercial I saw on TV today, if you can verify let me know)
Tebow Mania: he could be bigger than the beatles and Jesus combined (ok maybe not Jesus, but maybe Buddha)
The Tebow hype machine is in full swing and here is my part in building expectation so high not even.... Superm.... not even Techmo Bowl Bo Jacks ... not even Tebow? could live up to them. I'm sure you've heard the rumors of how Tebow was told to quit working out because he was becoming too muscular, or how the offense picked him to Tug-O-War with D-Linemen over sprints, or how he can bench 225 lbs over 25 times, or how even Chuck Norris wont' mess with Tebow. But those stories are only 100% true. Here are a list of stories with links to back them up, making them at least 110% true
Tebow Backup Linebacker: Proof that what we all thought is True.
Tebow also an Ewok: now we know how they took down the empire, it never made sense before. Teddy Bears defeating an army of storm troopers. Preposterous until this discovery
Tebow's Rhino-esqu Qualities - in convient Top Ten Form
Top Ten:
Ahh, the preseason polls. You can practically smell the BS through your monitor. Well before there's any evidence on the field or W/L to compare, Nobody can be right or wrong, right? . So go ahead throw your hat in the ring. Its like picking the tourny brackets - honestly you're just guessin' - you're always wrong somewhere - and nobody remembers who was the most right next year.
1 FLORIDA - Same Great Taste, Now with More Tebow
2 Virginia Tech - Believe It, we are all Hokie Fans
3 LSU -Les Miles owns the rights to more Talented 19 year olds than Vivid
4 S. Carolina -The Power of a Coach
5 Oklahoma -Peterson Who?
6 Michigan -Blue + Yellow = Offensive weapons return
7 W. Virginia -Blue + Yellow = Offensive weapons return
8 Auburn -This ones for you Molly
9 S. Florida -Like the Ole' ball coach throwin a bone to Duke, Heres to Coach Leavitt and the Bulls
10 S. California -Internet Rumor has it that these guys could be a sleeper
(Just to clarify I don't think the Gators are the best team, This is just the last guilt free chance I have to put them at #1)
Gator Trivia
The following question are to test you knowledge of Gator Trivia. A poor test but a test nonetheless. These also double as mean jokes to ask FSU fans.
(The first few ?s refer to Football and Basketball, The only college sports that matter)
1. Who was the last team to win a national championship not named the Florida Gators?
2. How long is UFs current postseason win streak
3. Who was the last team to beat the Gators in the postseason?
4. Who was the last team to win a basketball title not named the Florida Gators?
5. What diseases does Tim Tebow's Tears Cure
Answers
1. Texas - not that its a hard question, but isn't it great that you had to think about it
2. 21 game - Thats just plain ridiculous
3. Villanova- way back on March 20 2005
4. UNC - Two of the most memorable championship games preceded the Gator Sandwich and they already feel like distant memories
5. Polio, Small Pox, Cancer, Bulimia, Leukemia, Osteoporosis, Gingivitis, Herpes, ED, ADD, ADHD, Alcoholism, Leprosy, carpel tunnel, Night Terrors, Bad Breath, Athletes Foot, and the Common Cold. Unfortunately they don't help because Tim Tebow never cries.
Sleep Tight Gator Fans. This Saturday starts a new season, a new roller coaster ride that lasts through early January. And if recent history is any indicator we'll win it all again
BLUE
The afternoon showers are subsiding, The hurricanes are cranking up, the Temps are dropping into the the double digits, and the gravitational pull of a town in north central Florida is calling. Thats right its Football season in Florida, and It starts this weekend. This will be the first email of many (maybe monthly, or weekly, or first out of two... I haven't decided). Just wanted to share my excitement that is bordering on insanity once again. Below is info on Tailgating, Headlines, my top ten, and other useless minutia. Feel free to pass this along to Gator fans everywhere or reply, Its not like I've got anything better to do.
Before I start I want to congratulate all Gator fans on what has been the greatest 2 years in fandom history. We as Gator fans are truly blessed. Lately it has been such an embarrassment of riches that I've had a hard time talking to fans of other teams. It's as if I can feel their jealousy burning as they stare at that logo on my hat. So I've tried to remain humble, give them the "awwshucks its been pretty good I guess" Even ignore the snide remarks of nole fans, as they grasp at straws. But no Longer! With the onset of football season, I shall shed my humble persona, and embrace the inner Jackass that knows - I'm better than you because I'm a Gator. So as a warning to all other fans who stumble across this email, stop now. Your already fragile ego will be crushed with ferocity to the point that college football will no longer seem appealing to you. This is the Rise of the Gator Nation.
For Gator fans still unsure how to deal with the masses please read this article and take your place atop the throne of collegiate athletics.
Tailgate
So Saturday is upon us. Time to pack up the tent, chairs, grill, tv, generator, food, football, coolers, redneck golf, bean bag toss, coozies, and good times and head to Gainesville. After much debate, I'd like to start somewhat of a traditional tailgating system/location. Norman Hall is our destination of choice, with its shady oaks, nearby playing field, and available restrooms. Ill be arriving at around 6 AM come join me early this week, for the Noon kickoff (uhhgg). hopefully well be back to the tailgate sometime during the fourth quarter so we can catch the end of the.... oh thats right, we're the only shmucks playing at noon on Saturday. Dont forget to bring the Sunblock and the IV drip.
What to Watch on Satuday
LSU vs. Miss St. - Thursday Night
12:30 UF vs. W. Kentucky
3:30 Wisconsin vs. Wash. St.
6:45 OK St. vs UGA Hope you've got three TVs ready for this SEC beatdown
7:45 Kansas St. vs. Auburn
8:00 Tennessee vs. Cal Before you hear anymore from the Pac-10 sucks fued. please remember I have Tenn. ranked as
Gator Headlines
Opening week is always a busy time so here's the latest outa Gainesville:
Markihe Anderson out with sprained knee : Doh' - that leaves with a collective 0 in game experience conerbacks. But on the bright side my favorite Hatian refugee will get the start. Say hello to the goat chasing, fumble recovering, apparently good swimming badass, Wondy Pierre-Louis
the Moody Blue(s) and Orange:
Emmanual Moody Transfers and I for one welcome him to the bandwagon. Moody rushed for about 600 yards at USC last year in limited action, so you know he can play. Emmanuel, you're obviouly an experienced bandwagoner due to your time at USC, therefore I nominate you to lead the army of bandwagon Gator fans this year. please instruct this army to save at least one ticket for yours truly(what do you mean $80 for W. Kentucky?!?!?)
Kanes Furniture: Free Giveaway
Time to buy that Dinette you've been eyein' - because apparently Kane's Furniture is giving away free furniture this week "if" (and this is more like a "when", than an "if") the Gators win the Championship. So borrow that pickup (just not mine) and head to Kanes for your free furniture. -(I have no proof of this other than half a commercial I saw on TV today, if you can verify let me know)
Tebow Mania: he could be bigger than the beatles and Jesus combined (ok maybe not Jesus, but maybe Buddha)
The Tebow hype machine is in full swing and here is my part in building expectation so high not even.... Superm.... not even Techmo Bowl Bo Jacks ... not even Tebow? could live up to them. I'm sure you've heard the rumors of how Tebow was told to quit working out because he was becoming too muscular, or how the offense picked him to Tug-O-War with D-Linemen over sprints, or how he can bench 225 lbs over 25 times, or how even Chuck Norris wont' mess with Tebow. But those stories are only 100% true. Here are a list of stories with links to back them up, making them at least 110% true
Tebow Backup Linebacker: Proof that what we all thought is True.
Tebow also an Ewok: now we know how they took down the empire, it never made sense before. Teddy Bears defeating an army of storm troopers. Preposterous until this discovery
Tebow's Rhino-esqu Qualities - in convient Top Ten Form
Top Ten:
Ahh, the preseason polls. You can practically smell the BS through your monitor. Well before there's any evidence on the field or W/L to compare, Nobody can be right or wrong, right? . So go ahead throw your hat in the ring. Its like picking the tourny brackets - honestly you're just guessin' - you're always wrong somewhere - and nobody remembers who was the most right next year.
1 FLORIDA - Same Great Taste, Now with More Tebow
2 Virginia Tech - Believe It, we are all Hokie Fans
3 LSU -Les Miles owns the rights to more Talented 19 year olds than Vivid
4 S. Carolina -The Power of a Coach
5 Oklahoma -Peterson Who?
6 Michigan -Blue + Yellow = Offensive weapons return
7 W. Virginia -Blue + Yellow = Offensive weapons return
8 Auburn -This ones for you Molly
9 S. Florida -Like the Ole' ball coach throwin a bone to Duke, Heres to Coach Leavitt and the Bulls
10 S. California -Internet Rumor has it that these guys could be a sleeper
(Just to clarify I don't think the Gators are the best team, This is just the last guilt free chance I have to put them at #1)
Gator Trivia
The following question are to test you knowledge of Gator Trivia. A poor test but a test nonetheless. These also double as mean jokes to ask FSU fans.
(The first few ?s refer to Football and Basketball, The only college sports that matter)
1. Who was the last team to win a national championship not named the Florida Gators?
2. How long is UFs current postseason win streak
3. Who was the last team to beat the Gators in the postseason?
4. Who was the last team to win a basketball title not named the Florida Gators?
5. What diseases does Tim Tebow's Tears Cure
Answers
1. Texas - not that its a hard question, but isn't it great that you had to think about it
2. 21 game - Thats just plain ridiculous
3. Villanova- way back on March 20 2005
4. UNC - Two of the most memorable championship games preceded the Gator Sandwich and they already feel like distant memories
5. Polio, Small Pox, Cancer, Bulimia, Leukemia, Osteoporosis, Gingivitis, Herpes, ED, ADD, ADHD, Alcoholism, Leprosy, carpel tunnel, Night Terrors, Bad Breath, Athletes Foot, and the Common Cold. Unfortunately they don't help because Tim Tebow never cries.
Sleep Tight Gator Fans. This Saturday starts a new season, a new roller coaster ride that lasts through early January. And if recent history is any indicator we'll win it all again
BLUE
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